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 Spiritual Engligtenment or Not

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trichobezoar
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PostSubject: Spiritual Engligtenment or Not   Thu 30 Aug 2012, 01:55

This is a grave entry... Earlier today I was chanting the mantra Nam Myoho Renge Kyo and it dawned on me while I was reading the meaning of each word that I'd essentially... I am essentially seeking Buddhahood when chanting this prayer.

Quote :
[N]am indicates the elements of action and attitude, and refers therefore to the correct action one needs to take and the attitude one needs to develop in order to attain Buddhahood in this lifetime.
~ sgi-usa.org
I had to stop chanting when I read this meaning of the word Nam. Do I really want to attain Buddhahood in this lifetime, if that's possible, in the shape I'm in? I'm chanting this mantra to heal internally and externally, not to attain Buddhahood. I had a dream on the 18th of August. In it I saw the silhouette of a bodhi tree. (The bodhi tree represents enlightenment or a spiritual awakening.) It was positioned ominously on top of a darkened cliff. I instantly understood what it meant...  I've been told in the past that I'd achieve enlightenment in this lifetime and I was okay with that possibility until recently. I don't want to achieve enlightenment as I am--broken... Perhaps this is the only way I'd seek it, now that I've been humbled by life's rude awakenings in almost every way imaginable.

For those who are scoffing at this post, I've been able to reach certain states of consciousness meditating on my heart and throat chakras, as well as my third eye (the third eye chakra is located above the eyebrows in the forehead). It came easily to me like many other things did at that time. I have a feeling that if I do chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo regularly, something miraculous will occur. But how far am I willing to go on this spiritual venture in the state that I'm in? And what will be the result if I don't continue on this spiritual path?

I think I'll stop before this becomes even more somber...
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